The extreme pleasure we take in talking of ourselves should make us fear that we give very little to those who listen to us.

The enjoyment is not shared equally. Talking about yourself is genuinely pleasant, which is exactly why it is a poor guide to how the conversation went; you leave feeling it was a good evening and the other person leaves having done the work. The measure of whether you were good company is not how you felt afterwards, but how much of the time they were the subject.

After your next long conversation, ask yourself what you learned about the other person. If the answer is thin, make the next one different: ask a real question, then ask a second one about the answer instead of returning to yourself.