There is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.

The manner of a gift is part of the gift. Something handed over reluctantly, late, or with a running commentary on what it cost puts the recipient in debt rather than in comfort, which is the opposite of what giving is for. People remember how they were made to feel while receiving far longer than they remember what they received. Reluctance shows no matter how well it is disguised.

Before you give or help, decide whether you actually want to. If you do not, say no cleanly; that is kinder than a grudging yes. And if you do, hand it over without conditions and without mentioning the cost.