There is nothing so agonizing to the fine skin of vanity as the application of a rough truth.

Accurate criticism hurts most where the self-image is thinnest. A remark that would bounce off a settled person becomes unbearable when it touches the exact spot you have been protecting, and the size of the sting is a decent map of where you are unsure. Pain of that kind is information about you rather than about whoever spoke.

Next time a comment lands badly out of proportion, hold the reaction for a day before you answer it. Ask what it would mean if the rough part were true. Sometimes it is not, and even then the flinch has shown you something you did not know you were guarding.