The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit.

Wit comes last in that list, beneath honesty, judgement and warmth, which reverses how most people rank themselves in a room. The ordering is the interesting part. A clever remark that costs somebody their dignity has failed the first three tests and passed only the least important one.

Notice what you are optimising for when you speak: being right, being liked, being funny, or being useful to the person in front of you. Try one conversation this week where you deliberately let a good line go. What replaces it is usually a better exchange than the one you were about to interrupt.