Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Everyone carries a version of themselves they believe is the accurate one. Tact is not flattery and it is not lying; it is finding the true thing that also fits inside that picture. The same person can be called stubborn or steady, cautious or careful, and both words can be honest. Which one you reach for decides whether the other person can hear you at all.

Before your next hard conversation, work out how the other person would describe their own behavior, and start there. You give up no accuracy by choosing the kinder true word.