The season that broke you is also where your spine came from. You can respect it without missing it.

Hard seasons do two things at once. Something was taken from you, and you also came out of it able to handle things you could not handle before. Both are true. You are allowed to hold the second one without pretending the first was a gift or that you would sign up again.

If it helps, name one specific thing you can do now because of that stretch: sitting with a friend who is falling apart, knowing when to leave. Then let that be the whole exercise. Gratitude for what it built is not the same as gratitude for what happened, and you never owe anyone the second one.