See who shows up in the waiting room when things go wrong. That’s your real contact list.

Crisis is a filter with no appeal process. Everyday friendship costs very little, so almost everyone can manage it, but sitting in a bad room with you for four hours costs time, comfort and nerve. The people who turn up for that are answering a question you never had to ask, and the answer is usually not the one you would have predicted.

Remember who they were once the emergency is over, because it is surprisingly easy to fall back into old rankings. Give them the good stuff too: the news, the invitations, the ordinary time. And be that name on somebody else’s list when it comes around.