Anger is loud, but underneath it is usually something you value that just got stepped on. Find that.

Anger is the alarm, not the information. Underneath it there is almost always something specific you care about that just got walked on: fairness, being taken seriously, someone you protect, work you put real time into. The alarm is loud enough to drown out the detail, which is why arguments so often end without anyone finding out what the fight was actually about.

When it spikes, buy yourself sixty seconds and answer one question: what did I care about that just got hit. Then say that part out loud instead of the loud part. It is a much harder sentence to argue with, and it usually gets you somewhere.