The first draft is you telling yourself the story. The fourth draft is you telling everyone else.

Early drafts have a different audience, and that audience is you. You are finding out what the thing even is, which means it is allowed to be shapeless, repetitive and wrong. Judging it by the standards of a reader kills it before it ever gets to exist.

Let the first version be private and bad on purpose. Get to the end of it without fixing anything, then leave it alone for a day. Shaping it for other people is a separate job with separate tools, and it only becomes possible once there is something to shape.