Holiday dinners go smoother when you decide beforehand which conversations you’re simply not joining.

Deciding in advance is easier than deciding in the moment, when you are already annoyed. A plan made at home, calmly, about which topics you will not take up costs nothing and holds surprisingly well. Without one you end up improvising while someone looks at you expectantly, which is when people say things they regret.

Before the next gathering, pick your two topics and your exit line. Something plain works best: that is not something I want to get into today, how is your garden. Then eat, help with the dishes, and leave when you planned to.