Your mind needs house rules too. No trash talk from the guests, and that includes you.

You would not let a guest sit in your kitchen insulting your family, and yet the voice in your head says things to you all day that you would never accept from anybody else. It passes as honesty because it comes from inside. Being harsh with yourself is not the same as being accurate about yourself.

Set one rule and keep it: nothing said to you that you would not say to a friend in the same spot. When it starts up, swap the sentence for a plain description of what actually happened. Not praise, just facts, and a bad afternoon goes noticeably differently within a week.