Some irritations are ordinary and some run oddly hot for how small they are, and the hot ones are worth a second look. A trait you cannot stand in somebody is often one you have worked hard to suppress in yourself, or one you fear you have and cannot see. That is why the reaction sits out of proportion. You are not only judging them.

Next time it flares, ask quietly whether you have ever done a version of it. If the answer is yes, the annoyance usually drops by half, and what is left is easier to talk about.