One day you’ll look back at a parent’s mistake and think, they were only thirty-two. That thought is growing up.

There comes a point when a parent stops being a fixed institution and turns into a person who was young once and guessing. Seeing a mistake of theirs next to the age they actually were does not erase the harm, but it explains the shape of it. Understanding and excusing are different things, and you are allowed to do only the first. That shift is one of the quiet markers of becoming an adult.

Think of one thing you still hold against someone who raised you, and picture them at the age they were then. Notice what changes and what does not. Both answers can stand.