An insult is a mirror the other person holds up without realizing they’re in it.

What people reach for when they want to wound usually comes out of their own inventory of fears. The specific accusation tells you what they worry about being, or what somebody once said to them, and it is often only loosely attached to you. That does not make the sting imaginary. It does mean the content is not a reliable description of anything.

When something lands hard, ask what it would mean if it were true, and check honestly whether it is. If it is not, let it belong to the person who said it. If part of it is, keep that part and leave the cruelty behind.