Know what you’d defend even if it cost you the lunch table. That’s your spine; the rest is just posture.

Values are only tested where they cost something. Plenty of positions are easy to hold when everyone around you agrees, and they tell you very little. The one you would keep even if it made things uncomfortable with the people nearest you is the one that is actually load-bearing.

Find yours by asking what you would not trade for belonging. Name one thing specifically. You may never be called on to defend it, and knowing it is there changes how you carry yourself in every room where the question does not come up.