What annoys you most in others is usually a value you hold that they’re stepping on. Follow the irritation.

Irritation is rarely random. When something a person does gets under your skin out of proportion, it is usually because it crosses something you care about and have never named. The size of the reaction measures the value, not their offence.

Next time you are unreasonably annoyed, ask what rule you were expecting them to follow. Write it as a sentence: people should be on time, people should say what they mean. Whatever comes out is one of your values, and knowing it is more useful than the irritation was.