Your parents are doing this for the first time too. Nobody handed them a patch notes file.

Parents are usually treated as finished people who either got it right or did not. They were improvising from the start, using whatever they had absorbed from their own upbringing, with no way to test a decision before making it. Understanding that does not excuse what went wrong; it replaces a verdict with a more accurate picture.

Ask one of them what they found hardest about the year you were a particular age. The answer is usually surprising and it changes the conversation. You can hold both what hurt and the fact that nobody was ever qualified for the job.