Respect is the floor. Romance is the furniture. Don’t let anyone sell you furniture for a house with no floor.

Intensity can disguise the absence of something more basic. Attraction, romance and excitement are all real, and none of them substitute for being treated well, though they can produce enough feeling to make the question seem rude to ask. When the base is missing, everything placed on top of it eventually slides.

Check the plain things first: whether you are spoken to decently when nobody is watching, whether your no is accepted, whether your version of events is taken seriously. If those are shaky, no amount of romance repairs them. Wanting to be treated well is not a high standard, it is the entry requirement.