You can’t love someone into fixing themselves. That’s a rescue mission, and you’re not the coast guard.

Caring about someone is not the same as being able to change them. Change needs the person to want it and to do the daily work, and no amount of devotion from outside supplies either one. Trying anyway tends to cost you years and leave them where they started. The impulse comes from love, which is what makes it so hard to set down.

Ask whether you are helping with something they are already doing or doing it in their place. Support real effort and stop funding the version where nothing moves. Staying close is still allowed; carrying them is the part that has to stop.