The desire to be completely different from somebody still lets that person define your direction.

Wanting to be nothing like someone gives them the compass. Every choice gets made by first checking their position and then heading away from it, which means they still determine where you end up, just at a distance. It is a form of attachment that feels exactly like freedom, and it can last a lifetime without ever being noticed.

When you catch yourself defining a choice by contrast, set that person aside and ask what you actually want here. Sometimes the answer is the same. The point is to have arrived at it by your own route rather than by taking the opposite of theirs.