Talking about people behind their backs teaches your friends what you’ll say about them.

Gossip is a demonstration rather than a secret. Everybody in the conversation quietly notes that this is what you do with information about a friend, and they adjust what they bring you accordingly. You get the warmth of the moment and pay for it in the things people stop telling you, which is a cost you never actually witness.

Try a week of saying nothing about anybody you would not repeat with them standing there. When a conversation turns, change the subject or offer one plain good thing. Being safe to talk to takes years to build and an evening to lose.