“I’m mad” and “I’m embarrassed” need different fixes. Getting the word right is half the work.

Feelings arrive as one undifferentiated spike, and anger is the nearest label to reach for, so a lot of embarrassment and fear get filed under it by mistake. The problem is that the remedies point opposite ways. Anger wants something changed; embarrassment wants to be let off the hook. Pick the wrong name and you go hunting for the wrong fix.

Run through a few names before you act the next time the spike hits: mad, embarrassed, left out, scared, worn out. Choose the one that makes your chest loosen slightly. Then ask what that particular feeling is asking you for.