Honest and harsh aren’t the same thing. One helps them. The other just feels good to say.

Harshness often arrives dressed as courage, as the willingness other people supposedly lack. The test is simple and uncomfortable: if the delivery were softer, would the content survive? If it would, then the sharpness was for you. Honesty aims at the other person getting somewhere, while harshness aims at the satisfaction of having said it, and that satisfaction is why it passes so easily for integrity.

Before you say the true hard thing, decide what you want them to be able to do afterwards. Then say the version that makes that possible. Notice if you feel let down by how calm it came out.