Bunk-bed whispers after lights out are some of the best conversations you’ll ever have with a sibling.

Darkness and a small amount of rule-breaking produce honesty that daylight does not. Nobody is looking at anybody, there is nothing else to do, and the conversation has no agenda and no audience, a combination you will spend years trying to find again. Those talks are not important because of what was said. They work because of the conditions.

Recreate the conditions rather than the room: a drive at night, the kitchen at midnight, sitting outside after everyone else is in bed. Ask something you would not ask across a table. If you still share a wall with a sibling, use it while it is there.