Parents are usually filed as finished. In fact they were and are still becoming, still working on the same things you are, still carrying whatever they did not resolve at thirty. Recognizing that is part of growing up, because it stops you expecting completeness from people who never had it. It also stops you treating their limits as facts about you.

Try looking at a parent as someone your age, dealing with what they were dealing with. Ask what they had not yet figured out. It rarely erases the grievance and it usually changes its temperature.