Who you are with the door closed is the only version that doesn’t need an audience.

Behaviour with nobody watching has nothing to perform for, which makes it the only honest reading available. Everything else is partly shaped by who might be looking and what they might conclude, and that does not make it fake, only unreliable as evidence. The private version is what quietly sets the ceiling on the public one.

Notice one thing you do differently alone and ask which direction you would rather it went. Maybe it is how you talk about people, or whether you finish what you start. Change the version with the door closed and the other one follows on its own.