Pretending not to care is the most exhausting hobby there is.

Keeping a permanent guard up is work. You have to monitor your face, talk yourself out of wanting things in advance so a loss cannot show, and perform indifference about what you think about constantly. All of that runs in the background and costs more than caring openly would. The pose gets sold as being relaxed and it is one of the most tiring things available.

Drop it in one place where it is safe to. Admit out loud that you want the spot on the team, or that you liked the film.