Being honest with yourself is the hardest kind, because nobody catches you when you lie.

Every other kind of honesty has a check on it, since somebody else knows the facts and might say so. Inside your own head there is no second party, so a comfortable story can run unchallenged for years: you were too busy, they started it, you never wanted it anyway. The absence of a witness is what makes it so easy.

Pick one thing you have been explaining to yourself and write down the version you would have to give under oath. Say it to one person who will not simply agree with you. The distance between those two accounts is where the work actually is.