Having a backup plan while you wait isn’t pessimism. It’s letting yourself breathe either way.

Planning for the other answer is not a vote against the one you want. It stops your whole next year from resting on a decision somebody else is making, which is most of what makes waiting feel airless. A second route does not make the first less likely; it just lets you breathe while you find out.

Write down what you would do if the answer is no, in enough detail that it sounds like a real year rather than a punishment. Take one small step toward it this week. Then go back to hoping for the yes with less riding on the hope.