Some family dinners will go better if you decide before you arrive which topics you’ll skip.

Hard conversations go badly partly because they get decided in the moment, when you are tired and somebody has just said something. Working out beforehand which subjects you are not doing today gives you something to fall back on when one arrives. It is not avoidance so much as choosing the ground. Prepared people are calmer, and calm is most of what keeps a meal pleasant.

Before the next family gathering, name two topics you are leaving alone and one thing you would like to ask about instead. Say the redirect as soon as the subject starts. Nobody will notice you planned it.