The flaw that annoys you in a friend is sometimes one you recognize because you have it.
REFLECTION
WHAT THIS MEANS
Irritation that is out of proportion is worth a second look. You can only spot a habit that quickly if you know it from the inside, and the sharpness of the reaction often comes from seeing something in them you have been working hard not to see in yourself. Not always, but often enough to be worth checking.
The test is proportion. If a small thing in a friend bothers you more than it should, ask quietly whether you do a version of it, and whether yours is tidier rather than absent. That question is uncomfortable for a minute and then it makes you easier to be around.
A QUESTION TO SIT WITH
Which habit irritates you in others because you share it?
MORE IN PERCEPTION & ATTENTION
- Walk a route you always walk and look up. There’s a whole second floor to your town.
- Work retail during the holidays and you’ll see every kind of person in one afternoon. Most of them are just tired.
- People in experiments have missed a stranger swapping places mid-conversation. Don’t be so sure you saw it all.
Free, with nothing to buy inside it.