Catch yourself performing. The voice you use, the laugh you fake. Then ask who it’s for.
STILLNESS
WHAT THIS MEANS
There is usually a gap between how you sound alone and how you sound in company, and that gap is where performing lives: the altered pitch, the laugh produced on request, the opinion softened to fit the table. Some of it is ordinary politeness and some of it is you quietly disappearing. Asking who the performance is for is what separates the two.
Catch yourself once this week in the middle of it and just note who was in the room. You do not have to stop on the spot. Knowing which rooms ask you for a costume is the useful part.
A QUESTION TO SIT WITH
Whose approval is your fake laugh for?
MORE IN SOLITUDE & SELF-KNOWLEDGE
- Sit on an empty swing set at dusk sometime. Twelve-year-old you would have a lot to say about where you ended up.
- Go back to your old bedroom after a year away and notice which stuff still feels like you. That’s progress you can see.
- You always know whether you really tried. That private knowledge is worth more than whatever the grade said.
Free, with nothing to buy inside it.