When you get defensive fast, ask what exactly you’re protecting. The answer is usually more interesting than the argument.

Speed is the tell. A fast defence means something underneath got touched, and it is usually not the point being argued but a belief about yourself you would rather nobody inspected. That is why an argument can run long after the actual subject is settled, because the subject was never really the thing on the table.

Next time the heat arrives, take one breath and ask what specifically you are protecting. Name it to yourself, even roughly, even badly. The answer is almost always more interesting than winning the exchange would have been.