After a fight, figure out whether you’re mad at them or mad at the words you swallowed. Fix the right problem.

Plenty of anger that looks like it is about another person is really about what you did not say. The argument ends, they leave, and the heat stays, which usually means the unfinished part is yours: the sentence you held back, the line you let slide. Sorting that out changes what you do next. Going back at them when the problem was your own silence tends to start a second fight.

After the next one, write the thing you wish you had said. Decide whether it still needs saying, since some of it was heat rather than substance. If it does, say it calmly a day later.