Calm isn’t having no feelings. It’s choosing when they get the microphone.

Calm people are not empty. They are angry, nervous and hurt at the usual rate, and the difference is that the feeling does not get to speak the moment it arrives. There is a gap between having something and broadcasting it, and that gap is the whole skill rather than a temperament you were either born with or not.

Practise the gap on something small. Feel the irritation, notice it, and let a few seconds pass before you respond. The feeling still gets its say later, in a better form and to someone who can do something with it.