When someone’s yelling, answering in a lower voice often pulls them down to your volume.

Volume is contagious in both directions. Matching a shout escalates automatically, because now the loudness is the argument and neither of you can go quieter without looking like you lost. Dropping your voice gives the other person somewhere to land, and most people follow without noticing they did. It also makes them stop and listen, which breaks the rhythm.

When somebody raises their voice at you, take yours down a notch and slow it slightly. Say less rather than more. If the volume has not dropped after a minute, leave the conversation for later instead of meeting it.