In any conflict, figure out what a win actually looks like. Sometimes it’s just being heard.

Most conflicts are fought without anybody having defined what winning would even be, which is how two people end up still going at eleven at night with no idea what would let them stop. Sometimes the win is a change in behaviour. Often it is much smaller: being understood, or simply being told that what happened was not fine.

Before the next difficult conversation, write down what you want to be true when it ends. If the honest answer is that you want to be heard, say that out loud at the start. It is a much easier thing for somebody to give you.