Before you ask for honest feedback, decide if you actually want it. People can tell when you don’t.

People read your face faster than they read your question. If you ask what someone thinks while your jaw is set and your answer is already written, they will hand you the safe version. Asking is not the hard part. Being willing to hear a reply you did not plan for is.

Next time you are about to ask, pause and name what you want: reassurance or information. Both are fair wants, but only one of them needs another person’s honesty, so ask for the one you actually mean. If you do ask, say thank you and sit with it for a day before you argue.