Ask yourself what kind of friend you’ve been lately, not just what kind of friends you have.

It is much easier to audit the people around you than to audit your own half of those friendships. The second question is less comfortable because the answer has chores in it: the message you left for three days, the thing you meant to show up for. Friendship is not a group you belong to, it is a set of things you do or do not do.

Pick two people who matter to you and ask what you have done for them in the last month. If the honest answer is not much, do one small thing this week. Showing up once beats a long apology about being busy.