If feedback makes you instantly defensive, it may have landed somewhere real.

Disagreeing with something and bristling at it are different. Disagreement is slow and has reasons, while bristling arrives before you have thought, which means it came from a part of you that was already guarding that spot. You can be defensive about something untrue, so this is a clue rather than a verdict. Still, it is a clue you get for free.

Keep a one-line note when a comment makes you flare, and leave it for a day. Reread it when you are calm, and ask what would be true if the person were partly right. If the answer is nothing, let it go properly, without rehearsing your reply.