A message written in anger can arrive after the anger has ended and begin it somewhere else.

Anger has a short life and a long delivery time. By the time your words land, the heat that produced them has usually burned off in you, but it arrives intact in the other person and starts a fresh fire in a room you are not standing in. You get relief in the moment and pay for it later, in someone else’s mood, on someone else’s schedule.

Build in the delay deliberately. Write the message if writing it helps, then leave it unsent until the next morning and read it as if it were addressed to you. If you still mean it then, you can send a version that says the true thing without the temperature.