An offer becomes coercive when declining it quietly removes something you were already entitled to.

An offer stops being an offer when refusing it costs you something you already had. Framed as an opportunity, it functions as a threat, and the threat is deniable precisely because nothing was explicitly taken; it simply stopped being available. The generosity of the framing is what makes it hard to name.

When an offer arrives, ask what your situation looks like if you say no, honestly and in detail. If the honest answer is worse than before the offer existed, you are being pressured, whatever the tone. Knowing that does not always let you refuse, and it does let you stop blaming yourself for feeling cornered by something described as a gift.