A fictional villain’s motive may receive more patient study than a difficult neighbor’s.

We extend more curiosity to invented antagonists than to real difficult people. The fictional one gets careful attention to their history and motives; the neighbour gets a label. Distance makes patience cheap, and proximity makes it expensive, so we spend it where it costs least.

Try giving someone real the treatment you would give a character. What would have to be true about their life for their behaviour to make sense to them. You do not have to excuse anything, and asking the question tends to change the temperature. It is also often the first step towards a conversation that actually helps.