The mistake you can reproduce is easier to study than the mistake you keep avoiding.

A fault you can trigger on purpose has stopped being a mystery and become a thing with parts. Avoidance keeps it vague, and vagueness is what makes it feel enormous. So the instinct to steer around the situation where you go wrong protects you from the discomfort and also from the information. What you learn by repeating it deliberately is usually smaller and more fixable than the story you had built.

Pick one failure you have been routing around and set up a low-stakes version of it on purpose. Watch what actually happens, not what you fear happens. Then change one thing and run it again.