The hand gripping sand the hardest is usually the hand that loses it fastest.

Tight holding often causes the loss it was meant to prevent. In relationships this is especially visible, where the grip itself becomes the reason someone leaves, and the fear of losing them produces exactly the outcome feared. The intensity is the mechanism.

Notice where you are gripping and ask what a looser hold would look like in practice. Fewer checks, less need for reassurance. Things generally stay better when they are not being clutched.