A child’s difficult evening can follow a day spent trying hard to behave elsewhere.

Holding yourself together all day uses something up, and children have less of it in reserve than adults. A day of sitting still, following instructions, and managing among other children can be a full day of effort. The evening is where the effort gets paid for, and it is paid for at home because home is safe enough to fall apart in.

Ask what the day required before deciding what a hard evening means. Lower what you expect of the first hour after they come home: food, quiet, less talking. And take the collapse as a sign of trust rather than a verdict on your parenting.