A private story remains private even when it would make your point more convincing.

Someone else’s difficulty is a persuasive thing to have on hand, which is exactly the danger. In the middle of an argument or an anecdote, a story given to you in confidence starts to look like evidence, and it is easy to tell yourself this room is safe or that detail is small. The person who confided did not weigh those exceptions, and they cannot revisit a decision made for them.

Before you use anything you were told privately, ask whether they would recognize this room as one they agreed to. If you cannot say yes, make the point without it.