Humor becomes generous when everybody can return from it with their dignity intact.

There is a simple test for a joke, and it is applied afterwards rather than in the moment. Can each person in the room come back to normal without having lost anything, or is somebody now carrying a version of themselves they did not agree to? Laughter that costs one person their standing is being paid for by them and enjoyed by everyone else. The funny part is the same either way, which is what makes the difference easy to miss.

Notice who is quieter after the laugh. If it is the same person each time, change the target rather than the subject.