A garden looks different to the person responsible for its thirsty corners.

Responsibility changes what a place looks like. A visitor sees a garden; the person who waters it sees the corner that will not hold moisture and the plant with three weeks left in it. Care is a kind of vision, and it does not switch off when guests arrive. Being unable to stop noticing what needs doing is one of the quieter costs of looking after anything.

Ask whoever looks after a place what they see, rather than only praising the view. The same goes for the person who runs a household or a team. Being asked about the invisible half is a rarer relief than compliments.