The question of who started it can keep the question of what changes next permanently waiting.

Origin questions feel like the responsible place to begin and are usually where things stop. Establishing who started it requires both parties to agree on a history neither remembers the same way, and while that is being litigated, nothing about tomorrow gets decided. The appeal is real: whoever wins the origin question gets to keep their position without changing anything.

Try asking the forward question first and see what happens. What would each of you do differently starting now, regardless of how it began. If the other person insists on the history, you can say honestly that you are more interested in the next part.